My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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