now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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