Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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