Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
