I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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