I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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