why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
