So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
