bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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