So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
