Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize