addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There's always time for handjobs
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize