dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
