WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
