This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize