No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
