omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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