someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
