You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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