Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Non-Jews are for practice
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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