I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
