I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
