One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
