You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
