i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This is the high leading the old right now
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
