My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
