I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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