yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
