Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
