Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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