You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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