This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize