***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
