I wish I could punch you in the face.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
