i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
