So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize