I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
