White coat. Heels.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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