Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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