I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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