I love black thongs
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
