I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
