The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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