It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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