i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
