i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
