didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
