Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Randomize
