The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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