so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Less talking, more tequila
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize