i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
