I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
