oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
How's work?
Spinning.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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