im six kinds of drunk right now
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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