thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
