dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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