i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
