I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
