never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize