Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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