im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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