oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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