I can't watch pbs sober anymore
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
