Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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