I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
