there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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