piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
