i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
