She tied me up with her honor cords...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
