My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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