He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
