You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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