A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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