Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
