i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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