from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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