I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
