Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm always down for nudity.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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