You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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