3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
