I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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