Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
