you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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