its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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