Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
