I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Duck Duck Cougar?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
