i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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