I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
