Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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