Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
