just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I came so hard my ears popped.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
