i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
