11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
