I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
