I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
