I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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