plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
