new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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