i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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