whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
