I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize