wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
