How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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