she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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