You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
