My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
